Medicine Walk & Frustration

Do you ever feel like you’re making headway, and certain malevolent forces stop you when you’re on fire?

Usually if you’re piddling along, the malevolent forces don’t care, so they ignore you.  When you’re making bigger splashes of impact, that’s when they start to pull out the big guns.  Sometimes it feels like two steps forward, ten steps backward!  As frustrating as things get, how do you react?  Are you already a winner before the game has even started?  Are you entering the game already defeated?

I, Rainbow, went on a medicine walk.  This, nature actually, the universe is one of my favorite tools of the trade of personal development.  Sure, I wanted to release some stress, strengthen myself, and produce endorphins.  I was intently looking for a sign, a message from whatever you wish to call it, Universe, God, All That Is, or my higher self.  

The ground was soft.  It was like walking on sand.  There were very few patches of hard dirt for me to stand on or find.  Rolling my eyes, I said to Universe, “I already heard this message before!  Why are you repeating it?!  A year or two prior, one of the messages I received on my medicine walk was to continue my tough love.  People complain that we are too strict in our lives, in the way we do business, in our holistic healing trainings and services.” I admit our lives are extremely disciplined than most.  I am also a teacher in my employee job in addition to my business.  The parents secretly confided in me they preferred me over the other teachers because they trust that I keep order in my classroom while the others wreak chaos.  I may not be the go to person for partying.  As unpopular and anal as it sounds, they trust me and that’s all I care about.  To me, it’s not a popularity contest, it’s about trust.

I was told by one of my angel guides, “You have a reputation for this reason.  Others don’t.”  One of my values is that REHAB Inc, or Revolutionary Eclectic Healing and Beyond is a trusted household name.  I care a lot.  People think I’m cold due to strictness.  But, the reason I do it is because I care and I want people to feel taken care of.  Yeah, I can be a mother-hen depending on the context.  Respect is earned when I make my students work for it, not spoil them.  I do not enable victimhood nor spoil my students or clients.  I take care of them in an empowering way to promote their independence and growth.  Bear and I hold people accountable.  This is a trait that is lacking almost everywhere these days, hence all the exposition of injustices turning into justices as 2020 flips over into 2021.

Here is just one example.  Other Reiki healing circles I’ve been to had no rules, no guidance, no expectations, basically no trust.  They were disasters waiting to happen for those who were novices or even sabotagers.  

Order is anal and boring, but it allows the freedom for more important things like fun spontaneity, growth, and diversification.  Oh, did I mention, ease and trust?  Systems and processes create order.  Systems and processes allow freedom.  They allow life the splurges of being in the flow and or getting off track.  The balance of these good things offset the cost of what it takes to establish and maintain order.  

My students, both children and adults trust me when there is a natural structure or rhythm.  When a routine is established they open up, trust, and deliver more of their better selves because of the safe baseline established.

Back to the earth underneath my feet.  On my medicine walk a year or two prior, I realized the hard dirt was easier to walk on.  It was more efficient, trustworthy, despite it’s hardness and “discomfort” if you can call it that.  I feel supported walking on hard ground where I have traction, ease, and efficiency.  Then again, it depends on your purpose on what you’re using the hard ground for.  It’s uncomfortable to sleep on.  It’s comfortable to walk or run on.  Today, I felt the soft dirt allowing me to slip and slide.  I was tiring out faster than usual because there was no support under my feet.  I was leaking energy, mired in the sandy like soil, sometimes sinking into the shallow quicksand, to struggle and exert more of my energy.  

I was told that I am a teacher, a leader, a facilitator who is strict with tough love.  My students who use it actually have an easier time trusting me because I am simple, clear, and tough.  I am not wishy washy to allow them to drown or get mired in their bullshit.  I call it like it is, cut through the bullshit, and they trust that.  They trust the safety of the container of rules and expectations I built for them and for everyone on all ends.  They trust the clarity.  They actually grow with me because I am not spoiling them like the soft teachers who only tell them sweet things they want to hear, yet they remain spoiled, stagnant, disrespectful, undisciplined, getting nowhere.  I realized I was like the hard ground, easier to grow, easier to run on, due to the traction and trustworthiness upon contact with me, the hard ground, ie, the strict teacher.  

The people who were in leadership roles who were wishy washy got disrespected because they were trying too hard to be sweet, popular, and please everyone.  I felt a draining energy around these type of people, just like I did with this soft dirt to walk on.

Reminiscing, I felt bad for the students in the classroom who had to witness a young man get his balls kicked in the classroom because the particular teacher in charge had no control over his classroom.  Imagine how that teacher felt when he had to phone the parents and tell them what happened under his watch before the kids told their parents!  How shameful it may have felt!  

Another teacher had 2 girls give hand jobs to this one male in a back room just feet away from the open classroom.  Yeah, I said it!  What’s even more unsettling is that the principal chose not to tell all the staff.  We had to find out through the students rumor mill.  Omg.  Not on my watch folks, over my dead body!  I would not want the reputation of being the teacher that allowed this because he couldn’t keep track of his classroom and students.  I don’t put out that energy.  I hold people accountable and people reap their consequences and rewards.

Bear and I have had to hold adults way older than ourselves accountable like babysitting children who paid us for coaching and healing.  Age doesn’t matter.  There is a line between being childish and a mature adult.  Yes, we like to have fun, but not in a reckless manner.  It’s all about balance.  If you would not abuse the time and value of a doctor, why would you do that to healers just because you feel they are a small business?  There are stipulations such as late fees, no show fees, and rescheduling repercussions.  We learned that people who don’t take themselves seriously don’t hold themselves accountable.  I learned not to take it personally.  It’s not about us, that’s how they treat themselves.  Taking full, personal responsibility for one’s actions is a character trait we honor and train our students to do as well.

Exasperated in frustration I exclaimed, “Universe, why are you giving me the same message, again, today?!”  She said, because if I don’t strip you of everything, you will not grow.  Remember when you got into an accident?  It was because you were not doing what you were supposed to do.  Why do I bring you tradgedies?  It’s because I want you to  fight like you have nothing to lose because you’ve already lost so much.  That way, you will only look up.”  I retorted, “Really?  All these things are taken away, friends, money, support, means to live, material things, my pride and dignity.  Well, all I have are my fears and limiting beliefs.  So I’m stripped, bare and naked to face my bare and naked self, ie, my fears, shadows, and limiting beliefs.  Deep down, what is holding me back now that I am stripped, at the bottom of the rocks?  Dang!  Why do you have to go so far to push me to do what I know I have to do?!  It sucks!  But I’m whining like a victim now.  Breakthrough.  Rainbow, are you ready to break through your fears now?   It’s time to get back on the horse and do what I’m supposed to do.  Thank you for another expensive lesson, yet again!”

I started writing this piece at the end of February 2020.  I am merely revising, editing and publicizing it now, at the end of December 2020.  If this piece seems wonky, it’s because the time lapse may not make sense when I share the stories over time gaps.

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