Did I Make a Difference?

Did I Make a Difference?

Do you ever ask yourself, “What am I doing here?  Am I ever making a difference?” I’ve had several co-workers in many fields express this to me?  “What are we even doing here, just taking up space?”

Don’t ever underestimate yourself!  Yes, there are times we feel frustrated because we lose sight of why we are doing what we are doing.  We get mired in the day to day things that make us feel negative, hopeless, overwhelmed, resentful, sad, or frustrated. 

Our biggest fear is not that we are weak.  Our biggest fear is that we are powerful beyond belief is the quote from Marianne Williamson. 

Sometimes those of us who have lofty dreams and goals may feel like our life is futile, like we’re the size of an ant trying to move and carry mountains.  In retrospect, what really matters when our life here is over? What do you want to have accomplished, experienced, or felt before you pass over, or is there even anything at all?  What you want people that knew you to remember you by? How do you want them to remember you? Does it even matter to you? What are you values that matter to you if you were to die today?  Do you even know what they are?

Today, I saw 4 different people from my past.  It was in the wee early hours of the morning. Mind you, it was a Sunday, so typically society is usually less active on Sundays.  This was strange for me on my current Sunday routine. I saw several people from different parts of my past, all essential I feel. I was wracking my brain as to why suddenly I was reminded of them.  It was as if Universe ambushed me. It reminded me of Ebaneezer Scrooge who was visited from the ghosts of his past. These ghosts got him to reflect on the consequences of his actions towards himself and the people around him.  One person, maybe 2 would’ve been settling. But several people from my past? No, this was not a coincidence and I was determined to extract the meaning of this.

There are times that I doubt myself, my life, my very existence because my current reality seems worlds away from my lofty aspirations.

I ruminate, what messages running into all these people from my past have for me?  I was a girl. I became a woman. Some may see me as a crone despite my physical appearance because they feel I am too mature for my age, or care too much about things others don’t even think about.  They say, “Why bother? We’re all gonna die anyway!” Others just say I am an old soul.

These people were my playing grounds of life.  They helped shaped my character. When they were weak, betrayed me, praised me, supported me, it doesn’t matter what roles they played, they were all essential.  They were all in my life for a reason. We may not have been friends, or close, but that doesn’t mean we didn’t impact each others’ lives in significant ways. I found myself through them.  They pushed me up higher than I could be if I were isolated. They pushed my buttons, they made me face my fears within myself. They made me find courage and strength to speak up for what is right, no matter how small, that’s where it all starts.  They made me feel loved, like I was part of something important. Afterall, isn’t that what we all seek, to feel like we are contributing to something significant? Don’t we all want to get up daily and look forward to it, like we are actually making a difference in other people’s lives?

I thank them, each and every one of them.  They made me feel a myriad of emotions, exploring myself and what I am truly capable of played out through and with them.  Feelings of joy, frustration, anger, resentment, betrayal, injustice, confusion, powerlessness, to love, support, appreciation, respect, beauty, confidence, compassion, forgiveness, even strength and empowerment.

I may never know the difference I impacted on their lives, but I reverently rediscover the impact they made in playing their part in molding my character today.  I forgive and thank them for that.

I am thankful for the character they helped me build, and the significant memories we built together, which are more beautiful nostalgically reminiscing about them.  I am part of something. I was part of a movement, we all just didn’t realize it then. Some of them still don’t realize it walking in their psychic slumber. Despite all the criticisms and lacks, we all are making a difference.  It’s just a matter of choosing the wear the lens of perspective half full.

I am not the same person.  I have grown tremendously. They are like mile markers that I have left past pastures behind to courageously remain growing out of my comfort zones and traverse more adventures in the spirit and physical planes simultaneously!    

Never underestimate yourself, your character, and the impact your thoughts and actions have on the world.  This is the true gold and legacy you leave when you die. You have to allow yourself to see it. God sees it, why not you?

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